No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
