Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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