More tranny stories later!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
