Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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