I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
