I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
