The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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