Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
