I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
