is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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