I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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