So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
