Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
