i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
