I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
