Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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