I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have demons in me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
