you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
