I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
