Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I puked a lego.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
