yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
