What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
