how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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