Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
