well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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