hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
