If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
