? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
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the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
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im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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