My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
