dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.