dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
