Sry I called you an 8
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
