my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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