He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
