Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
