HIV tests are more positive than that guy
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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