and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
