whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
