oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
