she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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