Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
