speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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