It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
