Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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