my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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