I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
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