You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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