Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
