sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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