can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
