Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
