i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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