I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
