Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
