You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
