He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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