my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
