Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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