we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
