Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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