if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You left your phone here
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