I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize