i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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