I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
