If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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