I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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