Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
