Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
