I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
