I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
