just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
