I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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