Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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