Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
