I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
