i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize